I have breast cancer.

I have been wanting to blog about it but didn't want to until I told everybody in my family that might read this. I have to masses in my right breast that are cancer. So what I have decided to do is get a double mastectomy. So tomorrow at about 1030 I am going in for surgery.

I haven't felt any real fear or sadness. I'm not real sure what I am suppose to be feeling. I think the only thing I have felt is that I don't want to die. I am not sad about losing my breasts or how I will look after. I don't think I am even fearful of dying but I am fearful of how it would affect my children. That's it.....I envision them becoming depressed and growing up, doing drugs or becoming hookers or something terrible. I think of them becoming victims of something or someone if I am not here to protect them. I am afraid that the people I have chosen, other that their dad, should something happen to their dad, might not want them. And then on the other hand I don't see me dying I just see me living breastless.(Is that a word?)

This really sucks. Really sucks.

Well I tried my couch to 5k and my entire body HURTS. I am taking a step back because for once I have to use my brain and realize I can't go all out and hurt myself so much that I quit.

So I am walking. I am going to walk and walk and ....walk some more. I am not going to quit. This is a first for me, the not quitting thing. How can I expect my kids not be quitters if I am?

My kids are awesome. They make me laugh. They make my heart sing.

Chemistry....made an A. That's right. I will say it one more time.. "A"!!

Miss Scoggins.....Love you..Mean it.